Written by: Deirdre Mahon

Wednesdays normally involve a bowl of cornflakes, a boring day in the office, a bit of hockey training and then home for ice cream and Netflix. Wednesday 2nd March however couldn’t be more different. Clontarf Ladies 2s found themselves pitched against Trinity in the 1/4 final of the Shield. We had a real punt at winning this thing, which when melted down and accessorised could totally pass for a cup.
Coach Bobbo gave us the usual team talk littered with strong language barely suitable for over 18s. He’d had a vision the Saturday night beforehand that we would win our next 3 matches. On paper the dream seemed simple however we thought maybe he got us confused with another one of his 36 teams (he’d coach anyone for a bit of cash). Winning wasn’t something we did often. We had full support with the 2 Al’s, Al our assistant coach (who plays like a shark and demo’s like a field mouse) and Al our charismatic manager.
For the warm up captain McClean had us riled up like a pack of college students waiting for Coppers to re open. It must have worked as we started stronger than any other match we’d ever played. Trinity were visibly shook. Goalie Brennan seemed to know what Trinity were about to do before they knew themselves. Owens outleted the ball from the back on an international level. These balls were picked up with ease by Dinsmore and Brenner who were able to turn on a sixpence. Sorcha (who has only had 1 recorded mistake in her entire career) ran the midfield like a finely tuned Golf GTI. Keating played like a ballerina on steroids pirouetting through the pitch in record speed. Once the first goal for Clontarf hit the back of the net the next 3 followed faster than R.Byrne getting down to Harry’s for a club social. Mullins came away with MOTM which is as prestigious as winning a BAFTA. 

Final score: 4-1. Goals: 1 x Bails, 1 x Mullins, 2 x Stano. Bobbo’s excitement Level: 11 (marked out of 10)

After just 2 days of recovery with countless physios and ice baths, Clontarf Ladies 2s were thrown into a duel V Loreto in a league game. We had purposely saved fresh players like Wilson to act as our energetic secret weapon. Thanks to K.Byrne’s promises of multiple baby Guinness for anyone who scored, the momentum from the last win was kept at a high pace. Our opposition had a bad case of the ‘Lauren Complex’ which means they chased our passes around the back line like senseless donkeys. This forced Stano to channel her inner Jacqui and crash balls through to free players. Our midfield and forward lines got on like a newly wed couple honeymooning the ball up the pitch. Anslow fired the ball from top D, their keeper mis-kicked it only for McClean to tidy up her mess and put it away. Bails positioning was ‘on mat’ as she plucked balls from the sky with composed confidence. Tik Tok sensation ‘The Dinsmore parents’ gave us a side line performance of ‘The Griddy’ after our second goal, a meaningful salut to the girls. Things were tense in the last quarter as we protected our D like Batman and Gotham city. A hot haired Loreto player screamed obscenities at Mahon for her low tackling and after the match O’Neill found blood on her leg even Poirot wouldn’t be able to get to the bottom of. 

Final score: 2-0. Goals: 1 x Mullins, 1x McClean. Bobbo’s excitement Level: 12.6 (again, marked out of 10)

As I script this match report my palms are sweaty. We are currently 2 wins with a match in hand tonight V Bray. Bobbo’s drunken vision of 3 wins from 3 still breaths.